Life is complicated
04.26.2006 - 10:34 am

Pretty Girls Make Graves is making me happy and sentimental at the same time.

I need to study for my Psych test today. I should do that now while I'm waiting for albums to download. hmm.

Gawd I really want to shoot myself in the head for feeling this way.

I'm contemplating some things now. Wondering if I should just take classes this summer to finish my associates and take a break from school. I really like working and I might feel better being out on my own with a steady income and free time to do things besides studying for midterms.

Or finish my bachelor's and find some geeky scientist job that will be more supportive for my lifestyle. Start paying off my loans, do some traveling. Settle down a bit. I'll be 22 or 23. Where will my life take me? The only thing is I'll be dependant on my dad until then and I'm really sick of it. I'm sick of not being "out of the house." Blah. I miss Hawaii sometimes.

What to major in. I'm getting sick of school so I'm wondering if I should continue astrophysics or go with something only slightly easier, Astronomy. There will still be quite a few physics classes, but maybe geared towards astronomy way more than anything else. I love physics so much, but it's so difficult for me. Surprisingly. With how much I understand Calculus, Physics just eludes me and I have no idea why. Bummmmmmerrrr.

I would still like to move to Santa Cruz. But it's so expensive up there and I know no one. Desiree says she wants to move up there too and that we should "talk" about it. Hmm. I could work Northern Faire too. With Nomadia too. Hmm...

Descisions.

I feel so jumbled right now. I think I'm at a crossroads and I'm having trouble deciding which path I should take. It's stressful but at the same time why the fuck should I worry about it? It's all about living in the present moment anyway and really what EVER choice I make will be the right one with that philosophy. Buddddhhaa.

I need morale support right now. I need friends. I need encouragement. I need someone to reassure me that's it's going to be okay. Sounds prodigal I know, but sometimes you need reaffirmation.

Check out how emo this sounds:

What do you do when your angels
Have all flown away?
There's an ache through my body
That just won't go away

It's from Pretty Girls Make Graves "A Certain Cemetary."

Le sigh.

Ok, I want a sandwich.

yesterday - tomorrow