Sorrow
02.20.2005 - 5:04 pm

I don't know how long this profile will last, but I wanted to incorporate one of my new pictures, and the quote just kinda came to me. I've kinda felt like screaming lately anyway...

I just notcied I name a lot of my entries after song titles and lyrics

I'm tired. And I'm also depressed. It's a weird kind of depression. Very sorrowful. Not like a normal depression where I just feel blah and mopey... ok well actually I feel all that too, but I also feel like I'm going to cry any second. Usually my depression doesn't consist of sadness as much as a distaste for life. This time I feel sad as well. I haven't felt this depression for a long time... perhaps a year. When I was with Billy. Today me and billy went to some park nearby to show some kids his costume. The kids never showed up but we ended up staying almost 2 hours anyway. Just talking. I wanted to hear his input on the Jake situation, but I didn't know how to bring it up. So he doesn't know about it. The whole day, when Billy talked to me... or later when he was showing me some cool stuff about dome houses online, I had tears behind my eyes and I just wanted to hug him real tight. I don't know where those feelings came from, but I just really felt like I needed a hug from a friend. I want to be friends with billy. Not that we're on bad terms... but I really have an urge to talk to him about where we stand with eachother. I just really need his friendship right now. I don't really have anyone else nearby to take comfort in and he probably knows my depression best out of anyone, so he wouldn't have to say much to comfort me, because I know he understands so well, and that's comforting enough.

I don't want to do anything and that's scary. I really should work on my papers. It sucks. Oh well though. I feel lost and I'm questioning a lot of shit in my life (ok, when do I not question). Anyway. I want to cry. Just becuase I think it'll feel good. But I'd really like to talk to someone. I don't have anyone to talk to.. and if I did, I'm not sure I'd have anything to say. I'm gonna grab something to eat and occupy my mind with something...

yesterday - tomorrow