What Needed To Happen
02.19.2005 - 7:07 pm

Jake came over yesterday. I disgraced myself yet again. I cried about it. In front of Jake. He cuddled with me and we talked about it. I felt like shit, so I went downstairs and proceeded to work on my drawing. (3am) He followed me and laid next to me. We fell asleep on the floor. That was bad. We went back upstairs to sleep in my bed. (6am) We mighta talked s'more. I forget. We woke up. We talked a lot. Random stuff. It was nice. I told him I never wanted to see him again. We talked. He didn't believe me at first, but I kept repeating it and the more we talked, the more he knew why I was saying it. I still don't think he believes me though. But only because he thinks he can convince me out of it. He told me no more sex for real. I told him I didn't believe him. He knew I shouldn't, but insisted on giving him a chance still. I told him no. He kept saying he had to go, but then started thinking about my resolution and always stayed longer. He didn't leave until 11. I kissed him really hard and told him that was it, no more. I'm never gonna see you again. It's done. He hugged me really tight and left. Came back like twice because he "forgot" stuff. I didn't kiss him again and barely hugged him. He left and I felt ashamed of myself. I should have done this a long time ago.

yesterday - tomorrow