Wtf... Jake?
02.17.2005 - 10:13 pm

Ok, so I turned my computer off, I turned the lights off, i proceed to walk upstairs, get the shit off my bed so i can sleep in it as soon as I get the plastic out of my eyes that help me see and clean a day's scum off my teeth. And then I see something on my pillow that shouldn't be there... or at least, wasn;t there last time I remembered. I see a drawing, and my first thought is I got a letter from Terri (i don't know why I thought Terri, maybe I just lke her a lot). Anyway, my tiredness has kinda blurred my plastic vision, so I pick up, tilt my head as apuppy would and begin to read "Hello L, stopped by to see you. Later. Jake." Err what? I mean. if it he stopped by and then told me later, that'd be one thing, or wrote a mere 5 second note, that'd be another thing. No. I got a winged gargoyle/fairie thing that had to have at least taken 5-10 minutes (wEll done, btw). So, am I looking too much into this as to be so touched I rush downstairs, turn BACK on the lights and my computer to write about it? I'm so confused. I don't know what to think, feel, do or say right now. I'm angry and giddy at the same time. That bastard. I think he's fucking with my head. I swear. I really thought he just didn't really give a shit about me and just kinda said stuff without realizing what it could mean. I never take anything he says quite seriously and in turn have not been the nicest person (it's so awesome he deals with my bitchyness). He's fallen off the face of the earth these past few weeks and in his disappearance I have been reaffirmed of my former beliefs that I just don't care about him. It wouldn't matter if he never talked to me again, it would definitely not matter if he found some other broad to sleep with (and I have in fact encouraged him to do this). But every now and then he pops up... saying hi to me on AIM. I've especially tried brushing him off becuase I have it set in my head that I'm never gonna see him again. But somehow this note makes me think otherwise... ok ok, so maybe I knew I'd see him again, but I don;t want to care and that's the big point I think. I've become bitter and resentful about relationships and Jake just pisses me off. I could NEVER be serious for him. But why the fuck does he have to go around and fuck with my head and do things that put a huge smile on my face? that mother effer. lol. I'm just kinda laughing at myself because of how i'm taking this. jesus lauren, you think WAY too much for your own good.

Anyway. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. And my heart is pounding.

yesterday - tomorrow