Eye opening awesomeness
05.05.2005 - 12:32 pm

Holy crap. I just had one of the most enlightening conversations is a long time. First, my day so far:

I was happy to leave this morning. I took a shower. First one in like a week. Felt awesome. Rocked to The Hives. Got downtown in time to kill some time before I tried to catch Travis before class to see if I could get my calculus notes back. Instead, Julian hit me on the arm while I was writing Terri* a letter and Travis was with him. Aw he misses me and Julian in class. That class was my goof off class, so I was always doing something odd and spontaneous to entertain those guys. Travis is a cool guy. So we talked a bit and exchanged email addresses and that was all very nice. He went to class and then Julian sat with me a bit and we talked about random things how we usually do. Mostly it's about how stupid everyone is and especially Americans. He's a swedish/german guy and he's soooo funny. Because a lot of people know Julian, we kept getting visitors at our table and so there were a lot of random conversations and being unproductive.

Finally, a teacher that Julian has mentioned to me before came over and another foreign person, a girl, and we decided to switch tables and talk about life, the universe and everything (in no way reference to Douglas Adams). Anyway, this teacher is an older chap, maybe in his late 50's and very very very smart. Or at least, very knowledgable. He knows a lot about many different things and generally thinks along the same lines as I do... But we all had a great conversation about astrophysics, blackholes, the beginning of the universe, God, Jesus, energy, the Bible, religion, galaxies, humans, aliens, government, politics, spirituality, ancient religion, ancient Egypt, robots, intelligent lifeforms, amoebas, the Pope, Dalai Lama, birth control, computers, Hitler, and well... it was great. I want to be an astro physicist. They shit they talk about is shit I could oogle over the rest of my life. There are so many interesting theories out there. So there's this like "official" Astrophysics "group" and they discuss random things and they came to the conclusion that what "caused" the Big Bang was a "lifeforce" "outside" our "realm" and (it'll be redundant to say this) far more intelligent than us. Now, being "scientists," they did not classify it as God, BUT, they definitely suggest something along the same lines. Not a biological being like ourselves, but basically "pure" energy. And the whole time I'm thinking "fucking cool" but also I was comparing this theory with that book I read The Power of Intention. In his book, Wayne Dyer talks of this "intention" and how it's apart of this thing he calls "The Source." The Source sounds an awful lot like the energy these astrophysicists have come up with to explain the beginning of the Universe. It's just so amazing. It's so entirely amazing, it makes my head spin in the way that (and this will be VERY hard to explain) there is SO much stuff OUT THERE, it's impossible to fathom it all. In the second Hitchhiker's book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe there's a "Total Perspective Vortex" and they put you into this room and show you the ENTIRE universe and where you are IN that universe and it's SO incredible that you die and your soul explodes. I think it has to do with coming to terms with how INSIGNIFICANT your life really is. And that's how I feel. I just want SO BADLY to just know everything, but that everything would mean SO much. In the sense that, if I could understand HALF of it, my life would suddenly mean nothing. Fuck, if I could understand one one-hundredth, my life would mean nothing. My life ACTUALLY means nothing already, I'm just in denial about it. But the stuff out there is amazing. Today, I realized that religion is just a few steps ahead of everyone. And I don't mean one religion specifically and I don't mean organized religion, but the idea of religion and all the religions and everything spiritually. Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, whatever man, they all got something that if more people understood, the world would be a better place. We were talking about the different theories, of mostly Eastern religions and omfg, they just have it. Buddhism makes me so happy. Or like this guy Wayne Dyer. He never talks about religion or spirituality in his book, but you know he is a spiritual person. And you know "The Source" is what so many people think of as God. He just never comes out and says it. But I feel about him like I do these religions. He's just ON TOP of things. He knows something that we don't. He's just aware and awake and THERE. He is ALL there. And today, this conversation, just made me think of so many things in a new light and really put things in perspective for me. I feel so good right now and I think part of it has to do with the thought that I really think I have the potential to grasp such concepts. I think the majority of people can't handle the "REAL" world. They live in their own world 24/7. I think a smaller majority can handle SOME of it. But I really think I have the potential to become like these ideal religions, and this Wayne Dyer character, the Dalai Lama, and I think Douglas Adams had it too. I can just feel it. I feel life. I feel everything. I want to become an astrophysicist. I never really knew what I could do the rest of my life, but after today I realized that I could question life, seek conspiricies, and theorize about shit as long as I live. The things we were talking about were so fucking intriguing it makes me want to jump off the hobby horse and just LIVE my life ASAP.

I don't know. I didn't explain half this shit as well as what my actual thoughts are. That goes with my theory that thoughts are a completely different language, and I'm not the perfect translator. SO many thoughts are going through my head and I feel dizzy and tired from it all. I feel so good about life. I think I gained a new (or different) respect for religion. I feel I understand Jesus a lot more. I feel I understand this energy a lot more. A lot of questions of mine were answered today. And more than ever, I believe humans are monsters. Wow, I am really dizzy. So amazing. Such an amazing conversation. I feel I have so much more to say but there are really no words for the thoughts on my mind. I'm just soaking right now, and to put it into words would only lessen the meaning of it all. I should be envied over for the knowledge I have of "life, the universe and everything."

Lauren out.

yesterday - tomorrow