What Is the Sound of One Hand Clapping?
09.23.2005 - 7:14 pm

I watch these things about 9/11 and I always feel so bad because I see people angry for confusing reasons. I didn't know what was really behind the attacks but it's difficult to tell what is truth and what is bias. Who has an agenda? Anyway, what most of these programs say is, to sum up, there are 3 "Rivers of Rage" behind Islamic radicals: one, our support for Isreal and the Jews; two, our support of Arab leaders that enslave the society; and three, the fall of their empire from being #1 around 500 years ago to being next to nothing this day and age. But I just don't know. I guess for those 3 to matter, then we have to be blamed for them.

Number one, yes, we do support Isreal a little much, and me and my dad still don't know why we really do it. People say oil, people say to have a connection tothe mid east, people say religion. But those things don't really add up as to why we support them SO much even with all their bullshit with Palestine. We never give them more than a slap on the wrist (if that). So yes, we're to blame.

Number two, oddly enough, my teacher says we are NOT to blame. But was it not US who put Saddam in power? Was it not US who put the Taliban in power? I think for number two, yes we are to blame.

Number three I do not believe we are to blame. But people always need a scapegoat. Of course they didn't fuck over their own empire. It was the Brittish. It was the West. But why bomb the U.S. then? Why not Brittain? I believe that if we gave them enough time, then they would be at Brittain's doorstep. My teacher argues with me on this. But I guess the U.S. was attacked because we had the majority to blame: 2 out of 3.

I always wonder "What would Malcolm X think of 9/11?" I respect Malcolm X very much and it was through his autobiography that I first learned, in detail, about Islam and the Muslims. So what would he have said publically about the attacks on America? He always wrote that he loved the Islam religion so much because he saw how peaceful it was. He liked to see that the women were treated with respect. Everyone was treated with respect. Yet there are so many radicals out there that seem to have disconnected with that, with their spirituality. I get saddened by this because I am so passionate spiritually and it helps me live everyday to its fullest. I know that if I were to lose touch with that, I wouldn't function in society, in that, I'd be a nervous wreck all the time. I'd worry about everything. I'd have a nervous breakdown. I'd have anxiety attacks constantly. I'd literally go crazy. My spirituality allows me to be at peace with all that occurs. Buddhism teaches you to let bad things happen because they are never permanent, so you let it flow and it seems to disappear so much quicker. All in the mind. Let things flow. My spirituality allows me to feel whole, pure, and "right." Buddhism teaches "right thinking," "right speaking," "right acting" etc etc. And to translate in to Christianized terms, to which I fully belive in as well, it means to be a good person - don't speak ill of others, don't think bad thoughts (murder, suicide, vengance, etc etc) and don't misbehave, etc etc. If I didn't have my spirituality, I'd go through life in confusion, talking shit, harming my body, drama, and wonder what the hell was going on. Every little thing would seem like the end of the world. But because I feel whole-heartedly that there is so much more out there, I can relax when little anxieties come around. I am at peace. Inner peace through Buddhism and God. Of course these Muslims who have lost touch with Allah feel angry and confused and want to kill and act out of vengence and hate. If I had lost touch with Buddhism and/or God, I'd also see only this earth, this materialism, this vanity and I'd go crazy too.

I just feel for these people. I would like to live in Egypt for a time and soak in the experience. I want to talk to people personally and see what they really think.

I'm also going through an internal debate. I hate living in America and I hate being in the "system." But also I know that in order to escape, I must use it for a while, first. This troubles me. I'm going to spend so much money on my education, I may never get to escape the system. And also, if I were to get out, where would I go? Just another system. I love Germany, but there are problems there too. Problems everywhere. Everywhere there are corrupt politicians, spiritually dead people, and ignorant fucks who just care about themselves. Why can't I find a nation of me's? Because pretty soon one of me will turn into a corrupt politician. It will no longer be a peaceful anarchy and everything would go to shit. Just another system.

I think I need to sit down and clearly define what I believe and write it out. How do I feel about "capitalism?" What are my thoughts on "television?" How do I really feel about America, society, world hunger, education, free health care, abortion, Area 51, Dubya, Isreal, Africa, AIDS, the flu, anarchy, Christianity, computers, careers, jobs, taxes, money, etc etc. Some of these things listed and so many others, I have not thought enough about and if you were to ask me what my stance was, I would not be entirely sure how to reply. And because I have not thought enough about them to have a clear stance, ask me at different times and I would easily appear hypocritical. This is a problem and I would seriously love to put together a "Lauren-Stance Dictionary" that has well articulated and clearly defined, not to mention, highly intelligent definitions. One day young grasshoppa. That day is today.

yesterday - tomorrow