Never Alone
12.02.2005 - 8:49 pm
Procrastination. Why can I write so many of my thoughts but can't manage a mesley political paper? GAH! How easy would it be to just FINISH! I suck.
Well listening to Good Riddance feels weird right now. So many thoughts. So much feeling. My stomach churns. I think my stomach churns at the thought that things are so different now. Good Riddance (with an array of other bands such as Strung Out, Lagwagon, etc.) represents my early teen years. Times of "Josh's punk rock days." Me and Dawn. We were discovering so much about life. We were just starting to become the people we would be the rest of our lives. Kris Comeaux, Mikey Teal, Jeff Bernal, Robbie. I can't get the images, thoughts, memories, feelings out of my head. Haven't you noticed the past few entries have been about the same thing? Why is that anyway? Robbie being so present in my like right now? It felt good when he said Comprehensive Guide was his favorite GR album. It felt good to know that Strung Out's "Matchbook" held the same memories of "back in the day." Robbie feels right. He's apart of the best era of my life. Ever. That was it. The most fun I've ever had in my life. Me and Dawn. It was us and the world and we fuckin took it on. Like no other. I feel no one could possibly "know" me as much as Robbie has the potential to, just because of the one fact that we are apart of the same substance. My first clan. (As a side note, I'm getting a kick out of myself and my recent uptake of the word "clan" to mean "group of friends." I'm a warrior). Back to the subject. Robbie allows me to live vicariously through "old" times. Though we both live in a different world (completely) than those days, just knowing he was there makes me comfortable. It's the same reason I latch on to Stevo the way I do. We don't have to say a fucking word to eachother -- we both know what we shared the greatest summer ever together -- and just eachother's PRESENCE is enough comfort for us. To know that that legacy lives among others and that you're not alone with your memories.
I love Robbie to death in the same way I love Stevo. We keep the memores alive in eachother. We are not alone. I like being in a huge crowd hanging out with Stevo and all our "newer" friends and it's like an unspoken understanding between us that says "We know something you don't, haha!" But at the same time, you almost want to forget those times. Life is so different now, and it's a slap in the face knowing you're living the clich� of "growing up too fast." Yes, I am more mature. Yes, I have gained a lot over the years. But DAMN do I miss the life of ZERO RESPONSIBILITY. I miss being able to fuck around the way we did knwoing that we didn't have to worry about a goddamned thing. And during that time we were so anxious to get to where we are now. And now we wish to go back to how we were. SUCHABITCH. Such is life. But that's why Robbie feels so right. it's very fun getting to know eachother again and catching up on all the years we missed. We have gone our separate ways with music - me and old school hardcore/punk, he and his newer hardcore - and when we listen to our "mutual bands" LIKE Good Riddance LIKE Death by Stereo LIKE Strung Out, that's when that "understanding" is present. Everyone in the world disappears except for us two. It makes my head spin. I MISS THOSE TIMES. Old times. So many memories that people have either forgotten, shunned, or just plain moved on from. Le sigh. Why do I suffer with this? God only knows. But at least I have Robbie. At least I have Stevo. Never Alone.
I love Good Riddance, I need to find more bands like them (by that I mean, more bands with Buddhist band members)