Sex. Passion. Comfort.
07.18.2006 - 4:43 pm

So... I've been thinking... I don't know how to put this. I've been very selfish lately. I've been really sexually geared and totally bitchy about it. I've been trying to get over it so that I'm not so sexually frustrated, but I don't catch myself until it's too late. And for a few days, Robbie had seemed really cold and distant and I just felt awkward because all I wanted was sex. It was bugging the crap out of me because, knowing me, I felt like it had to do with me. I should be covered in spaghetti. You're very egotistical, enjoy your spaghetti. Anyway, when I think about it now, I realize how selfish I was being and how ridiculous the situation seems. And lately, Robbie's been pretty feisty. I enjoy feistyness. He's been biting me a lot lately too, and that always turns me on.

And yeah, that's kind of all I've been thinking about lately, is sex. I don't know why. Well I mean... I guess I've always been pretty sexually charged. Yanno lately I've just really wanted to take him apart and I've been frustrated because I don't know how to go about it. I want to have this really drawn out -- w/ lots of foreplay and teasing -- sex. But it's like... I don't feel like I know Robbie well enough to know how to do it. Liiike, how much can he take before it starts to suck (too much friction?)? Orr.... his taste. Hmm, maybe that's it then. Maybe we're just not ready to get that kind of kinky. Maybe I need to be patient and just let us get a little more comfortable with eachother before we pull out the tricks from under our sleeves. I know he has some shit waiting for me... hmm. I'm just so anxious! I just wanna get crazy with him! But yeah... I don't feel comfortable enough yet. Comfortable with myself, my body, his body (and it seems Robbie's in the same boat with how he feels about himself too). I had that comfort level with Billy... fairly quickly too... and maybe that's why I'm so anxious for me and Robbie to be there. But it's like... me and Billy were similar in that we were (are) the least judgemental people in the world, so when we were naked with eachother, we were truely naked and knew neither one of us had any concerns or judgements. With Robbie... I don't know... I feel self-concious around him a lot... I feel... sometimes I just don't feel "good enough" or "pretty enough" that kind of thing. And it sounds kind of ridiculous now that I think about it... but... I don't know what it is, why I feel he has that judgementalness about him. Maybe because it seems he's not so comfortable with himself? Would that make it easier? Would it make me more comfortable with myself?

So yeah... I've been getting frustrated with myself because of all the stuff I want to do to him... and I just don't know how to... express it. How to tell him. How to make it happen. Oh gawd, all the great sex we could have at my fingertips if I only knew how to execute! Sometimes I feel really naive and inexperienced...

yesterday - tomorrow