Wishful Thinking
08.24.2007 - 11:15 pm

Is it wrong or stupid of me to want the bro-hoe life? Sometimes I look at my friends' myspaces... they seem happy... and yeah it seems semi-superficial, but I'm kinda jealous they do fun stuff all the time -- jet-skiing, boating, camping, etc. Things I like to do but never have the resources to do them. Hence having a dude-bro boyfriend to just take me along.

Sometimes I just miss hanging out with friends... I feel like I don't have any. All the people I like to hang out with are in Victorville and sometimes I start to feel disconnected since there are new friends in the group that I don't know very well. I get the left behind feeling. I miss when it was me, Jen, Chris, Stevo, Zak, Thomas, and Justin. David was cool too but he wasn't around a whole lot.

Down here is nice too. I mean, I really do love Marjhani and Hamzah and all their friends I meet, some of them have just as much become my friends. But sometimes I feel too... trendy... or something. Like I don't exactly belong. But I know we all get along really well and that I'm loved. It's nice.

Sometimes I just miss my old lifestyle. It's the "I wish I was back in high-school" blues, only... I always hated high school and loved the experiences I had with my friends that didn't go to school.

Sometimes I wish I was a typical girl... who likes taking pictures with their friends or boyfriends in front of Billagio. Or flirted with cute jockish guys with kids of their own. With some trendy job that made me a lot of money and gave me a lot of time off. With long straight hair that I can style. That put on make up and tried dressing as cute as possible every day.

But then. I realize who I am. That I'm a laid back person who can get along with just about anyone, including the bro-hoes as well as the goths. And I have my own fun with my sarcasm and smart-ass comments. My boyfriend is the best guy in the world. That one day we're going to have the lifestyle we want after some more years of jumping through hoops. That I am a nomad and human-aide. That I have my own life to live with tattoos, piercings, dreadlocks, and a fuck-crazy lust for life.

Le sigh.

yesterday - tomorrow