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Maybe God wants me to be sick Yes, the cold is getting to me. Everything seems to be going alright. I feel good today. This cold didn't bum rush me like usual. Very gradual. Which makes it easier. The first day, always depressed because being sick sucks. That was yesterday. Not a good day either since Billy and Justin left. Cried a lot. Today however, the cold is doing it's usual thing: making me goofy. Well, most of the time it's goofy. The same kind of goofiness that happens when I first wake up. For those who know me best, know I'm the coolest person when I first wake up. Yes, I am a morning person... but even midday naps do it to me. I have no clue why, I just know I laugh a lot more the first 30 minutes of being awake. It lasts longer depending on the situation. ANYWAY, colds make me feel that way all day long. So I figure my immune system must suck because God likes to laugh with me. Wow, I sounded like a 5 year old with that sentence. SO. Today. I feel content. Very very content. I noticed this earlier (when I woke up). I started thinking about Billy. I got really happy. I felt really good. I want to be his sister. Or at least have the same kinda relationship. Like how me and Dawn are sisters. We have some weird unspoken bond that keeps us talking every few months. This unspoken knowledge that we're always here for eachother. We love eachother, but we don't always like eachother. I see the same type of thing very possible with Billy. Especially because he said (at the airport) that we were connected and have a unique relationship that no one can take away from us. These are the roots. Maybe I'll talk to Billy about it. Maybe not. The whole point, really, is that it's an unspoken-understanding. I think it could happen though. Anyway. I got really happy and reminded myself that I have to keep remembering this feeling whenever I get down. Becuase what I think realistically will happen, is that every now and then I'll still get the "rejected" jealous feeling. But... like I said -- every now and then. Not too often... but enough to... make the day suck. But let's focus on today. That's what life is about, right? Today I feel good. That's what matters. I've been listening to Moby all day. I'm in one of those moods where it's ALL I want to listen to. It's funny too, becuase there are a lot of songs on this cd where most of the lyrics apply to Billy leaving. I think that's why I feel like listening to it too. Somthing to lean on. Moby understands what I'm feeling right now. It's good mellow music for my cold and my giddy mood as well. Today is going pretty well. I saw two people who I've become good friends with this morning. One of which I never see this semester. They both said I could stay with them for a bit if need be. It's my last resort becuase I don't like to intrude. But I feel very cared for. |
