Wrote this on the plane. I'm such a fruit.
05.18.2005 - 10:45 pm (Hawaii time)

Ok. So. I meet this wonderful guy and it's time for me to go. Wes is awesome. He's intelligent, funny as hell, and pretty damn good looking. I love how comfortable I am around him and I accredit that to the fact that he seeked me out before I him. When we all (me, Nick, and Wes) went hiking off the Pali Lookout that one day, I remember just having fun around him because of how funny he was. I didn't once think of pursuing him because I didn't feel that way about him. Being friends was rewarding in itself and plus I'm just not looking for anyone right now. Right now, I'm looking for companionship in friendship and with my family, not someone for a relationship.

So anyway, the next day, Nick tells me he was talking about me when they got drunk later that night and he thought Wes had a little crush on me. Wow. I wasn't even thinking about Wes that way. I actually took Wes to be one of those superficial guys going for the "pretty girl." Anyway, me being the skeptic I am, I told Nick it was probably the booze talking. Well the next weekend we all hung out, this time with Heather, and again, I was just being friends with Wes. Me and Wes have always had a great time talking to eachother -- astrophysics, the bible, life, uhm... everything, really. And Wes's intelligence surprised me too. He just seems like this moron stoner guy, but soon as he opens his mouth, it's like "Hey." And I'm happy. Gawd, and the humor! I love it. It always catches me off guard too, so I laugh like a lunatic (when do I not?). Well, Nick kept telling me how much Wes couldn't stop talking about me: how pretty I was, smart, etc etc. After that, I kinda entertained the thought a bit, but still didn't play up to it too much because hey, the ball was ALL up in my court and damn, do I love being in control. So slowly, me and Wes would innocently flirt, joke and have fun together, while we got ridiculous comments from Heather and Nick about our "playfulness."

Finally last night (Tuesday night) shit finally went down. Wes said I could stay at his place, so that meant I could party with them that night instead of leaving at 10pm to catch the last bus to Kailua. Schweet. I've wanted to party with Nick for a long time, not to meantion the homies at the tattoo parlor. Mike said we were drinkin at the graveyard. SO it was me, Nick, Wes, Jose, Mike, his girl, Mikey, his girl, Seth, Aaron, annnnd.... oh yeah, Jeff, and his girl. And i hope I didn't leave anyone out. I got a 40oz of Mickeys and I got a perfect buzz. I was happy, dizzy and goofy and.... really happy. Most of the night, it was me and Wes chillin on some stairs, looking at the view and talking... I don't remember what about. . . just that I was smiling a whole lot. So I really started to give in a lot more, and show my feelings (duh, I was drinking). Me and Wes always sat pretty close and I was pretty obvious. I guess Wes is pretty shy, because he's had many opportunities to kiss me and didn't take one of 'em up, which, actually, I very much appreciated. I'm just not looking for random hook-ups and I'm getting pretty sick of guys being too pushy (cough JAKE cough). I was very much enjoying the innocence of our flirtation and I was really enjoying how he handled me (re: touching) all night.

So by the end of the night, we were "cuddling" somewhat and since we were all drunk, we were all being quite honest. Nick finally had it and said, "Alright, enough bullshit; Lauren do you like Wes?"
"Yes"
"Wes, you like Lauren?"
"Yes"
"Well I think you guys need to finally get with eachother because you make the perfect couple. Lauren, the way Wes has been smiling lately has told me a lot and you guys need to make something happen. I don't understand half the shit you two talk about, but you guys are really good for eachother." And went on to talk about how Wes was like him but more (?) and to be honest, he (Nick) had a crush on me when we were first chillin but then realized I would make a valuable friend, etc etc and again how much me and Wes needed to hook up. I joked about how it was just my bitchin hair and Nick insisted it was my personality and how "cool" I was. Yadda yadda, I felt very special that night. Me and Wes were both kinda taken aback at what Nick was saying and i surprised me in a very good way how he was taking it. I didn't want to move to fast and just go after Wes at first because one, I didn't know if Nick would like that or not, but he went on and on about how happy it made him that his two best friends were into eachother. The second reason I didn't just go for it was because I'm just not LIKE that anymore. I WANT A LONG TERM relationship. That's ALL I'm looking for and I didn't know how Wes felt about that. I still don't know really. Which makes me feel kinda sketchy about kissing him. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. Although... it was really fun at the time. I was kind of skeptical, too, about how "good" he would be; like, I figured he'd be like the countless other guys I had been with in the past. They THINK they got it goin on, but in reality they need to be WAY hella more intuitive and need some lessons about what girls REALLY like and what they don't. But he really surprised me there too. I like the way he kisses, and I LOVE the way he touches me. I'm SO the touch oriented person. I LOVE TOUCH. I thought I touched a lot, but I think Wes has me beat. DEFINITELY awesome how much he touched me, felt me, cuddled with me. WAY more than other guys. I'm usually the one touching a lot trying to give the "touch me back" hints. Not necessary here and it was wonderful.

Another thing I'm not quite used to, partly due to my own opinions, was how much he wanted to hold me hand or touch me in public. Now... two ways to really look at it, one very cute, the other very skeptical. What this hand holding could mean is (a) Wes really does care about me and his feelings are genuine and it's a subconcious way of showing his affection or (b) He only knows superficial realtionships and views holding hands high up on the totem pole, not unlike how it was in elementary school. See where I'm getting at here? Although my skepticism, (b), could have something to do with my semi disgust for public forms of affection. Public affection bothers me. I guess holding hands isn't too bad, but... it still reminds me of something childish and... I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I'm more about relationships so comfortable and so close that holding hands is not particularly necessary. Maybe I should opt for option (a) because my skepticism is depressing. LONG StORY SHORT: I Like Wes A Lot. I'm really goingto miss fucking talking with him and I really hope he gets to visit me in Califor-nye-aye.

However. Flight = interesting = not a mistake (I wanted to ditch Cali to hang with Nick and Wes more). Jake took me to the airport and he was being oddly affectionate at my house. Cute, and usually appreciated, but not after recent "awesome guy discovery." He was also quite a bit more helpful this time than last (just dropping me off the sidewalk and taking off). He walked me all the way to the gate (as far as he could0, helped with my baggage. Everything was cool. He talked a lot too, which gave me the feeling that he's missed me and/or will miss me the 3 months I'm gone. Yeah, Jake's a pretty awesome person. I'm just not drawn towards him like I am Wes. GAWD. Wes is too fuckin cute. I'm really going to miss him. I can't believe I feel this way and I JUST met him... what, 3 weeks ago? NOT a Lauren thing to do. STUPID STUPID STUPID. This scares me. Oh well, though, we'll see what happens. =)

So this flight has been great so far. Something about planes makes me wanna write SO much. ANd I've been in Waikiki so much and AWAy from the compy that I havne't had the tiem to write all the important shit in this blog.

So back to this flight -- I sat next to this woman (about mid 30's I'd say) and we talked about an hour on so many interesting things. It just started out as small talk (why in HAwaii, turning into what you're studying, etc etc blah blah). This woman turned out to be SO great and we had such a greta talk seeing eye to eye on things that I have no doubt she probably mistook me to be older than I am. I think she's great. After our talk, we realized how frickin tired we were so she found some empty seats, moved her stuff and I got the window seats ALL to myself to curl up and sleep.

P.S. First time flying with Delta and DAMN do they know how to hook it UP. Off the wall. Definitely one of the best flights I've been on as far as comfort level, seating, technology options, food hookups, etc etc etc etc. schweet.

yesterday - tomorrow