where have our lives gone?
11.06.2005 - 3:24 pm

So Meghan Weinshank found me on myspace. Sent me a message. I looked at her profile and then sent her a friend request. I really do like Meghan. She's a sweet girl. But my attachment to Dawn makes me feel funny when I imagine Meghan and David together. I don't know. I guess if I really looked at things, Dawn and David might not have been the best together. I mean, they would have been GREAT together, but at the same time, I think they would have been the cause of eachother's demise. I wouldn't see them living past 25. Wellll, it could have gone one of two ways. I think they were good together because they were able to lean on one another for support -- both going through bullshit in their life, and in that sense, they were like one person. Good for a relationship. But at the same time, they both did a lot of drinking, a lot of partying. A lot of "live fast, die young" shit. Sooo, they could have continued that lifestyle together and died, or they could have gotten out of it eventually... together... and grow old together. But something in me thinks they would have grown to hate eachother. And I think that would have been caused because they would have settled with eachother at too young an age, and would be frustrated later on in life that they didn't explore other territory, yanno? I dunno.... maybe I think about them too much. Why?

So on Meghan's profile, she has all these pictures of her kids. That's what sparked me to write this. Her oldest child is.... so old. She has to be... 3? Maybe 4 now? Wait, how long ago did all this go down. Was it my sophmore year? I think so. How long ago was that? 4 years now? Her daughter is FOUR?!? David has been a father for four years already? It just feels so strange. This kid already has a personality. A life. She's going to start school soon. She has distinguishable features. She is an entity. She is alive. I just feel so weird when I look at her. She might never have existed had David stayed loyal to Dawn. Whow. Weird. David has a completely different life. I just feel weird. Can't imagine him a dad. And now I just remembered Pifer is going to be a dad soon. I think in like 2 months? one month? Three months? I don't remember when Amanda is due. So weird. It'll be very strange when that kid grows up too. Thinking "you could have been my kid..." same with David's kids... I was looking at their pictures and imagining if they had Dawn's features instead. Her chubby cheeks. Wow, Josh has a kid. Lyla is so precious. I can't wait until she gets a bit older and I can have an active role in her life. Clams' baby. Emilee's baby is around 2 or 3 now I think, too. FUCKING weird. Amanda has a kid. Erica almost had a kid. Me and Dawn are the only childless ones. Ironic how the two girls that were the wildest out of the group -- the most sex, the most drugs, the most alcohol, the most arrests, the crazzziessst of everything -- and we're the ones doing something productive with our lives. Not that having kids ISN'T productive, but look how young everyone is. They will not have a free minute in their lives for another 20 years, and even then, their kids are going to bug the shit out of them. Lives changed forever.

I hope to see more of Meghan and David when I move back.

yesterday - tomorrow