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Here's a Random Entry Gah. Girls. Stupid. Why am I so stupid? Just because I haven't talked to Robbie in a week? How pathetic. I've been so flighty lately. Unable to focus. This past week I've actually been in a great mood and that was what was making me flighty. And today I can't focus because I have all these awkward thoughts about these stupid girls. I shouldn't talk shit. I just need to meet them is all and gain their respect so they stop being so stupid! Stupid. And I was just sitting on my couch looking out the window and being so confused. Where am I? Where is here? What's going on? I look out my window, and there's a slight resemblance of a place I've lived most of my life and yet, it is so unrecognizable. A girl I once knew doesn't live a block and a half away anymore. My best friend from elementary school is no longer down the street. A new family moved into the bad karma house. Paul is gone. Kids have grown up. People have changed. I no longer have a grass lawn. My horses are gone. I no longer live here but merely stay here. Life is so different. This is not the place I once knew. Remember my parties? Remember sneaking out every night to be crazy kids? Remember going to the rocks, to the bridge, the river, Del Taco... places we knew. This was "our" town. Now it feels so foreign. The trek housing, the new stores, the expansions, new people. We no longer rule this place. This place is no longer ours. And I don't feel welcome here. Or welcoming. My home is somewhere else now. This place is not home. This is some random pit stop. I miss Hawaii more than usual today. I was just thinking about the day I took this picture:  That was a good day. That was in December. The weather was warm and I was contemplating moving back to the mainland. Can I leave this behind? I did leave it behind. Was it the right decision? It seems like it was, and yet, I yearn to go back. The grass is always greener on the other side. No one ever happy. Not true. I'm content with the decision I made. But sometimes I like to reminisce and torture myself with thoughts that I know are stupid. I'm slightly masochistic, whatever, I'm aware of that. And it's okay. I'm okay. Things are okay. I wonder how Nick is doing in Nevada. We're all trying to adjust to a life away from Hawaii. The tattoo shop. Waikiki. Kailua. Pali Lookout. Ala Moana. I miss everyone. I miss my lifestyle there. I want to go to SD so bad. Did I mess that up for myself? I don't care if I have to live in my car, I need to get out of this place that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a place I once knew. 42. |