-
09.22.2006 - 11:17 am

I found the song "Mad World" by Gary Jules (who I mistaked for R.E.M.) and I listended to it about 20 times in a row. And then I made a collage to put up as a myspace picture (along with the song). I don't think anyone gets it though. But I listened to Gary Jules' other stuff and I like it a lot. I want to buy his cd when I get some money.

I also want to buy a year round pass to the zoo with my student discount card since it's only $36 or so. Then when I have days like this where I have nothing to do, I can go to the zoo and chill out. But I need to wait until after I get my tattoo next weekend. I still don't know how I'll color Antartica. I think I'll talk to Lorraine/Dino about it and see if they can do grey or something. I really like the way that turns out on skin.

I'm excited for this tattoo. And I'm excited to spend time with Marjhani and Hamzah. I miss them so much! I need them right now too. I don't even have to vent or anything, I just need them in my presence.

Ah le sigh.

Just random thoughts of life and love. Still always thinking about Robbie. Always concerned about him... always always. He stresses me out so much sometimes. But entirely in a bad way. I just care about him so much that when he stresses out, I stress out. I just want to take care of him... except right now I feel like I want to be taken care of a bit. Not that Robbie lacks very much in that area... what am I complaining about again? He doesn't lack very much at all. I mean no one's perfect, but he's right along the lines of perfection. Is that what I worry about? It's like if he faulters for a second I freak out. Kind of like a straight A student getting a B one time and the parents going ape shit over it... when you lose sight of the fact that it is only a B and that's pretty damn good.

Yeah, I'm the parent in this case. Just losing sight of reality. I need to get off my ass and quit being a dumbfuck all the time. I need to stay busy today and not make myself depressed over boredom and listlessness. I need to have my geared up independent nature kick in. I'm actually really happy with myself latley. I've been sleeping better, I've been having a better outlook on things. I was anxious for a while because I felt like I wanted more attention. I realized that what was happening was I was depending on Robbie for happiness. Psh, rule #1 for Lauren Town. So one day ... I think it happened subconciously more than anything, but I made a decision to just worry about myself more. And it worked. I've been a lot happier and Robbie never noticed that I was freaking otu in the first place. I don't think he notices when I have my struggle with independency. I think he always sees me as being very head strong and completely independent. When in fact, my little secret is that I have a tough time balancing that aspect of my life when I'm in a relationship. But because I learned so much about that (and about myself) when I was with Billy, I never let it get the best of me while with Robbie, and now I've overcome that feat. Not to say it won't come back, but maybe I'll be better at defeating it when it happens next.

Hooray for Lauren!

Yanno... it'll feel good to go to work tonight. I'm actually really looking forward to it right now.

yesterday - tomorrow