Insignificant
09.28.2006 - 11:55 am

I feel like a failure. I feel stupid . . . and disappointing. I feel I could have accomplished so much more by now. I get this feeling every time I go to my calculus class. The people in that class are so stupid and question the simplest concepts. Not to mention it's a Calc II class & they're doing shit I learned in Calc I. If I did things right, I'd be in a multi-variable Calculus class or maybe even beyond. Why didn't I try harder in my AP classes in high school? Why did I settle for less at HPU? Why have I let counselors push me around so that I've taken the same math class four times? I'm a failure. I'm so much better than this. I'm so much smarter than these nitwits. Why am I so lazy and stupid? I'm disappointed with myself. Extremely disappointed.

ANd the fact that I should be a junior this semester and still at a two-year college bums me out too. I should have been able to graduate in 4 years.

Why oh why do I suck so much? It's days like these I hate myself. I feel so ugly on the inside. Why didn't I give a dollar to that guy? Why am I always forgetting to be a good person these days? Have I really become this self-absorbed? And what has it gotten me? Jack shit. Fucking whatever. I suck today.

I used to be so satisfied with life. My life. Life in general. Lately I've just lost it. I don't know where or why or what's been egging at me, but I need to figure this shit out.

yesterday - tomorrow