No internet for 4 weeks !
07.20.2007 - 9:01 am

So haven't had the internet in a while. I was going to the library almost every day but to take care of job stuff and school stuff.

UCSC says I can't apply until November but when I emailed them asking why, they gave me a phone number to call. Uh... you're sitting at a freakin computer to email me but you can't tap into the information system from there to get my information and tell me a simple 'why' ?? How does that make sense.

And I don't know what my financial situation will be like since I'm going to be less than half-time this semester. They wanted to give me about two grand a semester, but that's when my fafsa said "Don't Know" not "Less Than Half-Time" -- I corrected it, and now I need to talk to the financial aide people at Chaffey to revise my award letter. I hope I still get SOMEthing, because God knows I need it.

I'm running so short on cash, that I'm really friggin afraid of what's going to happen. I need to just buster up my courage and call my mom or my grandma to borrow money. I mean, I guess if Robbie can borrow close to $700 from family, I should be courageous enough to ask for $100 or $200.

Ah we'll see.

I don't feel so stressed out about it though. Last night me, MArjhani, and HAmzah went to one of Marjhani's student's house to do a deep chakrah cleanse.

They told me that my uterus was all messed up and I need to get my uterus and my stomach checked out. The uterus thing freaks me out, but my stomach is a duh because that's where I keep all my stress and anxiety and negative energy. Hence, weighing 115 lbs right now.

But they said Marjhani's chakrahs from the chest up were just non functional but she released a lot. Kelly's were open but he released a ton of negative electrical energy.

And yeah, they said they were all huffin and puffin when it got to me -- my aura was basically nonexistant and my stomach would never cooperate.

So I'm holding a lot...

And I tried to use this to release the resentment I've been carrying about Robbie, but I just couldn't let it go yet.

Brandi, Marjhani's student, wants to go for more sessions. They gave us a handout with some info about chakrahs and I'm about to do some online research as well as what exactly it means to have a barely-there aura.

But I feel more relaxed and I don't feel so stressed out about money. Like, it hit me all at once that I need to care for my essence, my being, my life, and that materialistic things aren't that big of an issue. Who cares. And I felt like that as long as I'm feeling productive and providing Marjhani, Hamzah, and the kids with some things they need, be it food, transpo or simply comfort, that I don't have to stress about giving them money right now w/o a job.

And for soem reason, even though I've been completely distracted with school and books, I feel like a job is just around the corner. After seeing Brandi especially and realizing that the waitressing bit wouldn't be as scary as I take it, I feel like I'll find soemthing very soon.

And ironical because I read some cards on myself about finding a job, and although it was all very negative, the cards said the answer was in food. So maybe I'm just meant to do some waitressing right now and I'll make really good tips or something.

We'll see.

I feel okay. A good okay, not a blah okay. I feel good.

yesterday - tomorrow